Value Conflicts are Painful but Rewarding Because They Drive You Deeper Into Yourself to Find Your Own Truth.

Values are morally neutral. There is no right or wrong, nor is there good or bad; there is only different. Stop judging yourself for your values even if they may be different from the values of those around you. By doing so, you will gain the ability to stop judging others. Only when judging is silenced will you be able to hear, with increasing clarity, the inner voice revealing to you what you really want to do with your life.

Personal values include anything from altruism to concern about personal appearance. They most typically include things like music, family, integrity, loyalty, health, and religion. They can be internal, interpersonal, or cultural. A value by itself does not become a purpose, but it forms the basis for the desires and passions that lead us to purpose. If you don’t value community service very highly, then feel free to decline to serve on committees. Don’t let neighbors talk you into being president of your Homeowners’ Association. As you become conscious of your values, the values clarification will give you strength to resist doing things that other people might think you should do but that bring you no sense of joy or satisfaction.

If you compromise your values, you lose your self-respect, which soon will be followed by your self-esteem. The only time you can compromise a value is for the sake of a higher value. For example, you might value both loyalty and truth, so when your boss asks you to do something deceitful, what do you do?

This actually happened to me. I lost a great position in a company because I would not sign my name to a document asserting what our sales had been because I knew that some of the products listed as being sold were actually sitting in a warehouse. That company had my loyalty; I had worked hard to make them successful. But I would not compromise my integrity by agreeing to this lie. Of course, top management really believed that I should be a team player and just sign the thing, but it was too much to ask. I would have felt dirty. There are lots of things worse than being fired from a great job.

If our Washington Politicans and Wall Street Executives would follow suit, we would not be facing this 1 Trillion dollar disaster, which grows by the minute!

Value conflicts are painful but rewarding because they drive you deeper into yourself to find your own truth.

Have you faced a similar situation lately? Have you stood up or compromised your values while making a decision? Please share your story!

The destination is not the ultimate aim. The joy comes from the journey. Purpose is bound up in the process.

Bon voyage!


Jim White, PhD
Author & Creator of What’s My Purpose?

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6 Responses to “Value Conflicts are Painful but Rewarding Because They Drive You Deeper Into Yourself to Find Your Own Truth.”

  1. King Richards Says:

    The more I read this blog, the more I realize the importance of a good content like yours. Keep up the good work.

  2. Hillary Martin Says:

    Good read, thanks for the information, it was really informative.

  3. Carol Metz Says:

    Your thoughts and words are an inspiration. I appreicate your ability to show me a different context and perspective to assist me to shift my thinking.

  4. Hazel Says:

    Hi Jim,
    Thanks for the your great thoughts and ideas about values. It really is happening to me now and I could feel that I’m getting in there. Trying to dig deeper within me to find my own truth and purpose.



  5. Annette Says:

    Thank you!
    Yes, I have recently (today) faced a Value conflict, and
    thank goodness I chose in favor of the value.
    I have loved wild animals all my life, and then had what I
    thought to be a fabulous opportunity. I could volunteer at a
    zoo, and this would most likely lead to employment. However,
    I found myself not very happy about the whole thing. When I
    sat down to ponder why I wasn’t ecstatic about what should
    have been a great thing, I found that my Value of freedom
    was sorely compromised by working at a place that narrowly
    confines things that I love. I decided not to volunteer, and
    to look for other avenues that would feed my desire to be
    near wild animals. It took me 15 minutes to do that! I now
    feel free and proud of myself for sticking to my personal

  6. Paula Harvey Says:

    I think Jim is so accurate about the power of values. I also feel that a lot of people probably can’t state what their values are. Without this information, people feel conflicted without knowing why. To me aligning with your passions and your values are the keys to finding your purpose. I love helping people identify their passions. This is the first step to finding your purpose.


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